Evolution

I missed a subway train today, that is to say, I could have gotten on it but chose not to. The doors had already closed and the train was pulling away, much as it has done so many other times. As with those numerous other incidents I could have run and leapt onto the small platform in between the cars but in the last second I hesitated. My feet did not leave the ground and I just watched the train go down the tunnel. I then had 8 minutes to sit and think. I didn't miss the train so that I could get this time, but it was there just the same. I began to think of how I've changed in recent months and who I have become. 4 months ago I would most certainly have jumped onto that train, 4 months ago I was still fully aware of the possibility of falling between the cars and being crushed, but 4 months ago I really didn't care. 4 months ago my roommates would have told you that I operated outside a number of laws of physics, probability and certainly society. These roommates have come to scornfully refer to the new me as Sam 2.0, in the following entry I will attempt to pass on the information I personally posess on this change. This'll probably take a few hours, so I'll be updating as the night goes on.

Since Sam 2.0 is the newest incarnation, the prior existence is known as Sam 1.0. This is somewhat of a misleading title, since Sam 1.0 was not the original but regrettably I have had a lot of memory loss problems throughout my life and at this stage I remember only very small patches of inconclusive events pre-1.0. 1.0 was born on September 8th, 2005, technically 1.0 is still alive and my roommate exclaim with joy when they see signs. Nobody really knows when 2.0 was born, the manifestations were slow and subtle at first. Sam 1.0 was not thought of as a roommate, but as a welcome infestation, much like the koala infestation of Mitch Hedberg. The quote used to describe me was taken from a play and read "There is no law, human or divine, that this man has not ignored." I'd be lying if I said I didn't really like that.
Sam 1.0 was selfish and crude, Sam 1.0 behaved in a number of ways that were largely incomprehensible to those around him, Sam 1.0 was apparently a lot of fun for a lot of people to be around. The truth of the matter though is that Sam 1.0 was never real, I find in most of my recollections that Sam 1.0 was never a person, but rather an ironic parody of one, it is for this reason that I feel that it is long since time that Sam 1.0 fade into an obscurity of vague referrences and myth. As such I have decided to compile an ongoing list of the various things which made Sam 1.0 who he was.

(I just want to interject that speaking about myself in 3rd person is not a general habit, and it's actually rather difficult.)

Sam 1.0
--Sam 1.0 never closed bathroom doors. When sam 1.0 took a shit, went to piss, showered, the door was always open. The reasoning given for this, Sam 1.0 had nothing to hide from his friends and was also so cripplingly short on time on this earth that he felt he should multitask to a level that he refused to interrupt conversation for something as silly as biology or cleanliness. On that note it's rumored that Sam 1.0 once managed to hold a conversation while simultaneously shitting, brushing his teeth and reading The Merchant of Venice. I can neither confirm nor deny this.
--Sam 1.0 could take any 12 ingredients from a kitchen, place them in a single container and consume them without flinching. He referred to this practice as 'cooking' but most agree that the act was some sort of hybrid between chemistry and ballistics research.
--Sam 1.0 hated women. I'm not sure how true this really was, but Sam 1.0's vernacular was composed of a wide array of sexist terminology and phraseology. For whatever reason my roommates seem to have loved this most about Sam 1.0.
--Sam 1.0 failed the easiest Math class offered at Temple University, this is an important fact to point out since I got a 760/800 on my SAT math section.
--On other academic fronts Sam 1.0's standard practice for essay writing was to sit with a bottle of Vladimir Vodka and compose his writing between the hours of 5 and 7 am.
--Sam 1.0's musical taste was non-existent. There was quite literally no type of music that Sam 1.0 would not listen to and he preferred to hear music that he disliked.
--Sam 1.0 seemed to have a crush on himself, and it can be readily agreed that he was severely lacking in maturity

After Sam 1.0 there was a three month period which I refer to as the Resurrection of Trev. I'm not sure exactly how I want to continue this post, so it will likely be left like this for a while, I'll be sure to let everyone know if I do update it.