When you're here, you're family

My roommate does not want me to screw his sister. Prior to knowing this I really had no desire to screw his sister either, but then that urge to be contrary that exists as a strain in every warm blooded human being kicks in and tells me the idea is hilarious. Unsurprisingly two of my other roommates and their friend Steve from Nebraska has the same notion and it made for an excellent night.
It was New Year's day and obviously the night before had been eventful to various degrees for all involved. I found myself waking at noon to make pancakes for those that were still in the house, I got some cookbooks for Christmas and though I didn't use them directly to make these pancakes, I think their presence allowed me a modicum of additional pancake manifesting talent. I thought the pancakes were nourishing and delicious, but don't take my word for it, simply observe the sparkling testimonials of the hungover slobs who enjoyed them:

"Hey man, nice pancakes" - Graver
"Why's the oven turned all the way up?" - Sean
"You used all the Bisquick..." - Andrew - "And weren't those eggs bad.....and that milk was old"

Well, whatever, despite the supposed lack of quality of ingredients the pancakes were still fantastic, which to me just shows how amazing of a cook I am. Me and Bisquick, we're going places. Anyway, drawing upon the kind of cosmic energy to make those pancakes really took it out of me so I returned to bed. I awoke again at 5:45 and was promptly told that my roommate's parents were going to be arriving soon and that they would be taking us out to dinner. We were extremely let down to find out however that his younger sisters would not be in attendence, which cut our jokes for the night down to about 8% of what they could have been before.
Having just woken up I found myself in the same clothes as New Year's Eve, which just happened to be a dress shirt, thin black tie and black pants, so I slipped some shoes on and went out the door. Outside we found that Sean's parent's car couldn't fit all of us, a shame, but why? I had thought they had such a big car! Oh wait.....His sisters are taking up two of the seats. Perfect. My roommate Andrew tosses me the keys to his car and we head out behind Sean's family.
It's wonderful when Andrew lets me drive his car, I don't have a liscense, but I love to drive so much it's exciting. As we're heading down Broad Street I get the idea that if I want to date/ have relations with Sean's sister/ sisters I will have to earn the approval of his Dad. I decided that in order to assert my Alpha Male status and gain the influence neccessary to peruade Mr. Sean's Dad to this decision I should probably burn him on Broad Street. I get my opportunity when a Police van tries to make a left, switching lanes with a determined grace I willfully cruise far past the SUV containing my roommate and his family.
At this point I think it's all in the bag, but fate was determined to make this a challenging night after all. As I rounded city hall I can hear Andrew repeating something over and over to me, after the third time I decide to listen, he's asking me what the hell I'm doing, then he just throws his hands in the air. Evidentally I had just run a complete redlight with my roommate's family directly behind me. Members of my car panic, what will happen now? The Dad is going to think I'm irresponsible, that perhaps.....I'm a dipshit. At this point though there's nothing we can do, so we decide to find parking.
Finding parking was naturally a challenge and we are impatient people, so after about 2 minutes Andrew tells me to just give up and we'll park down on Bainbridge, which is familiar territory since we often park there while visiting lady-friends. So we head down to Bainbridge and I perform the worst paralell parking sequence of my driving career. Seriously, I've had nightmares about paralell parking and none of them were half as bad as this. I think I put 3 miles on my roommates car just adjusting back and forth.
We get out of the car now and head for the restaurant, we get a call on the way, aparently the family found really close parking and is now waiting for us. Shit. So much for holding onto any of that Alpha Male status bullshit.
From this point though the night takes a Turn for the Trev©. At dinner I introduce myself as Sam, the Pre-Law major. Dressed in shirt and tie and speaking with a British accent no one is willing to doubt me and the family is immediately impressed. Throughout the meal Sean's mom is telling me to get the phone number of the waitress, meanwhile the older sister wants to know everything about everything to do with all of us, and through it all Sean is disowned by his parents in favor of our third roommate Keaton Dubs.
In short the dinner was thouroughly entertaining for all involved, well, all except poor Sean, but I think he liked it anyway. There was a lesson I was going to get to here, but I've long forgotten it, maybe later.