The Perfect Cup of Tea

You know what they say; another day another dollar. Though in this case it appears to be another day another blogger. I've never really found much joy in writing online up until now. I used to have another blog, but deleted it because with the people who were reading it, I couldn't actually write anything I cared about at all, all the entries were largely meaningless as a result. I'm sure most of these entries will be equally meaningless, but at least that will be the fault of my life containing no meaning, rather than simply being stifled for fear of being exposed.
Why did I decide to start writing this blog? Is it because Zack Cyphers has one and I want to be able to comment on it in a non-anonymous fashion? Is it because of Hustler's blog which I used to find funny until I realized it was filled with the same cheap humor I use daily and find detestable in myself? Perhaps it is because I am emotionally unstable and have this burning desire to share my inner pain. Maybe it's because I'm under the impression that I'm much funnier than I really am and want to entertain people. Unfortunately none of the above are true, really I just want to further propogate my Trev nickname in an online forum in the hopes that people realize how awesome it is to have a nickname that's just another person's ordinary name.
The first thing I'd like to talk about is lies. Lies are amazing, I mean, just living and listening to people for one day you are bound to hear hundreds if not thousands of them. It's at the point that it seems practically impossible to trust anyone if they say something serious, when you add sarcasm into the mix it is virtually impossible to take anything at face value. I feel as though language has become such a weak communicator on many social levels at this point. It becomes far easier to convey messages through innuendo and body language. After all, kisses, hugs and fists to the face are rarely misinterpreted.
Today I wore a shirt and tie to work, in years to come historians will ponder the reasoning behind it. When asked I told everyone that I have recently been listening to the Danse Macabre CD by The Faint. For whatever reason, this CD always puts me in the mood to dance around with a thin black tie on, I suppose it could have something to do with the album cover, but if I admitted that I think I'd feel a lot less original for it. Regardless by all accounts it seems a fairly bizarre reason to alter one's mode of dress so drastically for an entire day. However, it is in fact the truth.
Later in the day another coworker asked why I was dressed how I was, for whatever reason I decided to lie. Zack started it I think, so I'd like to blame him, but regardless I found myself telling her that my friend had died. That I hadn't come from the funeral because they had died in California earlier in the year but that I had been to visit her parents earlier in the morning. Of course this seemed a much more believable reason, and it should, because it could easily be true. A friend of mine did die earlier in the year in California, and I could conceivably have gone and visited the parents earlier today.
Immediately after telling this lie I thought a great number of things, first I flashed back to Acting class from last semester and thought about the play "Jesus Hopped the A Train," specifically the scene in which the attorney is trying to get Angel to tell a true lie, or a lie based upon truth so that it is more believable. I thought about the scene and realized I had just 5 minutes ago very instinctually done just that.
I've always been pretty big on truth, it's something I think about a lot. I like to search for meaning behind things, and I like to get to the bottom of things. Something I've always said is that in order to tell the truth you have to know how to lie. Lisa's always said the more simple: "it takes a liar to catch a liar" which I like too. Regardless this is how I've justified the improvement of my lying skills as it were.
I really don't lie very often, however I also rarely tell people the whole truth. I remember the last time I was completely honest with someone about who I am, I don't remember enjoying it too much, laying ourselves completely naked before people is scary. For several months I've concealed information using the truth, this is something new I decided to do when I didn't want people knowing who I was sleeping with. I began having two relationships at a time, that way whenever anyone who I didn't want knowing about one of them would ask me about my love life or what I did over the weekend I could tell them the truth and simply play up and only explain the relationship that it didn't matter if they knew about.

How fucked up is that?

The real trouble with lying comes in the fact that after a while it becomes very difficult to extract oneself from lying. This is the first time I've ever really admitted why I've been casually seeing a number of women lately. I'm not a manwhore, I'm not a pimp, I'm not smooth, I'm just hiding the person I really love because I've been afraid. Fear and love, both can motivate us to do so many things, but I suppose that's an entry for another time. I'll finish this later.